i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
