fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
