like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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