Banned from zoo.
Again?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
