I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
