return my video game
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
