Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
