Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
