if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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