Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
