I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
