Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
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