Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
