he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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