And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
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