I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
