Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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