Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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