Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
