So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
