I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Randomize
