I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Text me some of your sweat
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