we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
