I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
