between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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