I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
