Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
