You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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