Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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