someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
