Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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