I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I'm at about main and main street
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
