i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
