you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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