There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
