During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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