Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.

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(317): View more from Indiana

when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single

Fav 28 4104 1230
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(810): View more from Michigan

I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.

Fav 65 1668 5320
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(904): View more from Florida

We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese

Fav 16 4472 1088
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(605): View more from South Dakota

I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich

Fav 23 4274 1586
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(970): View more from Colorado

Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?

Fav 4 3010 1462
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(540): View more from Virginia

Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.

Fav 6 906 1520
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(928): View more from Arizona

I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.

Fav 2 598 454
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(773): View more from Illinois

Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019

Fav 0 10 36
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