Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
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