I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
