i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
