i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
