How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
