Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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