I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
