new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
