You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I love you. Go after that dick
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
