you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
