I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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