What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
