Jerry, you need to find god
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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