Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
